Here and Now
by CastleWriter16
Summary: It's the feeling of serenity that wraps around him when he holds Kate, like somehow nothing can hurt them when they're in each other's arms. One-shot.


**A/N: Yes, I am posting something - please do not have a heart attack. **

**Nic (ColieMackenzie - go read her fic, she just updated Expectations today) was really wonderful today and read over this to make sure I'm not crazy and was very supportive and awesome and lovely. Thank you times a million, beautiful. **

* * *

It's the little things.

It's the way she smiles after a long day at work and Emma barrels into her when she walks in the door, giggling and screeching and murmuring _Momma_ with entirely too much reverence for a one-year old; Kate always picks her up and kisses the tip of Emma's nose, whispers something in her ear. His beautiful, beautiful wife. He's so in awe of her, even now, even two years later. He still can't believe it sometimes; that she said yes, that she gave him another beautiful baby girl. It all seems so perfect, _too _perfect. But it's his. His wife, his daughter, his life.

It's the feeling of serenity that wraps around him when he holds Kate, like somehow nothing can hurt them when they're in each other's arms. His heart stutters when she kisses him; he's still breathless when she touches him, when he touches her; the long lines of her body, the mess of curls that tumbles down her shoulders.

It's a clear, star-speckled sky at Jim's cabin in the middle of summer, the grass pillowing him, Kate at his side, their baby girl curled in between them, lying on top of her favorite blankie - the lime green one that matches her nursery.

It's the delight that consumed his mother's face when she held Emma for the first time, the sheer adoration that lit up Jim's eyes.

It's the sunset that fell across the water on their wedding night, the way the light hit Kate's face, kissed her cheekbones, highlighted her hair, settled in her eyes. He will never forget that night, how breathtaking it all was. Not ever.

And even now, the out of place smile on Alexis' face as she sleeps, her head cradled in his lap: it gives him hope. He holds onto the little things. He won't let them go. They're still a part of his life. Kate, Emma - who must be running by now, driving Kate crazy - they're still his. His mother is still his mother. No one can take that away from him.

Alexis stirs, and he brushes a hand over forehead, pushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Shhh. Sleep, pumpkin. I'm right here." Her chest sinks and then inflates as she takes another breath; she stills.

"Do you think Kate - you think she's looking for us?" She still hasn't opened her eyes, much to Castle's relief. He knows he's a mess, all this reminiscing and pent up longing to hold the rest of his family.

"I know she is, sweetheart." But it's been weeks. At least two. After that, he moved them. There's no sunlight anymore, no way to keep track of time. He can't remember the last time they ate. Alexis is too pale. He knows that.

They're running out of time.

"I'm so tired, Daddy," Alexis murmurs, sighing. "But all I've done is sleep. It's drugging. Which is a horrible word choice, I know. But whatever he gave me, it's making me so very, very tired."

"I know, sweetie. It's okay. You can sleep; I'm not going anywhere." Alexis smiles, finally peeling her eyes open. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just - after Paris, that string of nightmares I had? On the nights Kate stayed with me, she always made me feel so safe. It didn't stop every nightmare, but it helped, I think. She always said _You can sleep_. And she'd run her fingers through my hair and sometimes she would sing. And I slept."

Castle scrunches his eyes and lets his head fall back against the cinderblock, staving off tears. Kate. The memory comes easy now: Kate getting up, kissing his temple, murmuring _I've got her,_ and then disappearing upstairs to Alexis' room. He followed her once, stood outside the doorway, concealed by the wall. Her voice floated in soft waves, melodic and so soothing, so beautifully sweet.

"She's very good at that," he whispers, taking a deep breath. "She's always been good at keeping everyone calm, making them feel safe."

"She's been so good to me, Dad. And I know when you married her I was an adult already, but she's been - like a mom, really."

A genuine smile stretches across his face at that. "I'm so glad. That's more than I could have ever hoped for."

The furnace across the room starts to hum, stirring the air. He still hasn't gotten used to the smell down here, damp and moldy. There's a naked bulb that flickers in the center of the room, but Alexis likes this corner, feels safer backed up against two walls. So if he's got to be hidden in the shadows for her to feel safe, he'll do it. He'll sit with her and talk with her and keep her awake as much as he can.

He hears the door at the top of the stairs creak open, and then heavy footsteps falling as someone descends the stairs. Jeremy, presumably.

"Front and center, Castles!" And that's their cue. Alexis groans and pushes herself up, leans against the wall, stretching a hand out for him. His knees crack as he stands, and it's almost dizzying to be upright again. He squeezes Alexis' hand and pulls her to the bottom of the staircase.

"Ah, there you are," Jeremy coos, dangling his phone in front of Alexis. Her breath hitches, and he looks more closely at the screen, realizes that Kate's number is on the screen. "Your cop friends have been going on and on about proof of life," he explains, shoving the phone into Alexis' other hand. "Put it on speaker."

And before he knows it, a dial tone is echoing through the basement and then Kate's voice is softly floating out of Jeremy's phone.

"Beckett."

"Kate?" He hears Kate startle on the other end, suck in a deep breath, as if she can't quite believe it.

"Alexis, sweetheart, where are you?"

Emma whimpers in the background and his heart shatters. He just wants to hold them, never let go. "I-I don't know," Alexis says, her voice cracking. She leans against his shoulder, hands him the phone. There's so much he wants to say, but his throat sticks.

"That's okay, Alexis," Kate soothes, calming as ever. "That's okay. Deep breaths. Is Castle - is your dad there?"

"I'm - here," he manages to scrape out. Jeremy smirks and he instinctively pulls Alexis against him.

Kate breaths out a sigh of relief. "Castle. Listen to me. I will find you." Emma starts to wail; Kate must pick her up, because it stops almost instantly, replaced by _Momma, Momma._ "Say hi to Daddy, baby."

"Da-da," she squeals, blissfully unaware of his disappearance.

"Hey, baby girl. You be good for Mommy, okay?" Emma laughs and Kate shushes her.

"Kate, I love you," he murmurs before she can say anything else. Alexis is silently crying into his shoulder, her shoulders wracking.

"Rick," she grates. "Don't you dare say you love me like I'll never see you again. You can't give up on me, Richard Castle. I won't let you."

Jeremy chuckles darkly. "Aren't you two the picture of true love," he mocks. "You get a trace yet, Detective?"

His stomach drops. Jeremy's not stupid. He'll move them, surely. Unless -

Jeremy grabs Alexis' elbow and jerks her away from him, puts a knife against her carotid artery before he can so much as blink. Alexis half-whimpers, closing her eyes.

"Alexis, talk to me," Kate urges.

"Yes, Alexis, tell Detective Beckett exactly what's against your neck right now." His daughter is silent. He watches, not daring to move, as Jeremy presses the knife just hard enough to allow a few drops of blood to trickle down her neck, pool in the hollow of her collarbone.

"A knife," Alexis stammers, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

Jeremy hums. "Good girl."

"If you hurt them, I swear to God I will kill you. Do you hear me?" There's the Kate he's come to know and love. "I will put a bullet through your skull."

"Who says you'll be able to find me?" he taunts and if it weren't for Alexis, Castle would have pummeled him by now.

"Oh trust me," Kate starts, sounding unusually confident, "You can't hide from me."

The door at the top of the stairs flies open, startling Jeremy just long enough for Castle to pull Alexis away from him. She crashes into his chest, sobbing, and he cradles her for just a second, lets her collapse. And then he drags her away from the staircase towards their corner, away from it all. He doesn't even care who it is, so long as he can hold his baby girl, hold Kate, hold Alexis.

"Jeremy Evans, put your hands up!" Immediately, he realizes that it's Esposito barking at their captor. But how -

"Castle! Talk to me!"

"We're okay, Ryan," he says, hoping he's loud enough. His throat is completely raw, so deprived of moisture. He turns his attention back to Alexis, holding her tighter still. "We're gonna be okay, Alexis. It's gonna be okay." They're safe. They're safe.

There's a gunshot and then rushed footsteps; he sees Esposito and Ryan are running towards them in an instant.

Alexis stills in his arms, suddenly silent. She quickly becomes dead weight against him. And he knows. He _knows_.

She's gone.

* * *

He startles awake. Kate hovers over him, concern evident in her eyes. "You okay?" she asks, carding her fingers through his hair. Kate. Oh, thank God. He grabs her wrist and pulls her down to him, tucking her into his side. "Castle," she gentles, letting him hold her for only a moment before she pushes up onto her elbows, trails her fingers along his jawline.

"Kate-"

"Rick, what's wrong?" She settles her hand at the base of his neck, smoothing his clavicle with his thumb. But he just wants to _hold her_ and not talk about it. So he shifts underneath her, sits up, pulls her against his chest.

"Just a dream," he assures her, lacing his fingers through her hair and breathing her in. "Just a dream."

Maybe if he says it enough, the knot in his stomach will dissipate. Maybe if he says it enough, he'll be able to breathe.

He kisses the top of Kate's head and closes his eyes, tries to shake the image of a cold, heavy, lifeless Alexis from his mind. Castle takes a deep breath. _Just. A. Dream_.

"You wanna talk about it?"

No. "Let me check on the girls first, yeah?" She lets him have that, doesn't question why he feels the need to check on them when he just tucked them in three hours ago. Well Alexis not so much. But he's grateful she's home for the weekend, spending time with them, even if she won't let him tuck her in anymore.

He hears Kate padding softly behind him as he climbs the stairs, taking two at a time. His wife catches his fingers and laces them with hers, pulling him back towards her. "Castle. Take it easy, okay?" He drops a kiss to her forehead.

"Okay." He slows his steps momentarily, the rapid thud of his heart only increasing. Kate laughs.

"Alright, Castle. Who are you checking on first?" He wishes he was able to laugh about it too, but something just doesn't feel right. About any of this.

He leads Kate into Emma's room, relieved to find her asleep, an arm curled around her stuffed lamb, mouth hanging open. He runs a finger over her cheek and she stirs, seeking him out. "Goodnight, princess."

The tight coil of worry in his stomach starts to fade as he walks across the hall to Alexis' room.

But when he eases open her bedroom door, the comforter on her bed is tousled, the contents of her nightstand scattered on the floor.

She's gone.

* * *

_"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?" _  
_― John Lennon_


End file.
